Mar 11:26 [But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father who is in heaven forgive your trespasses.]
Lord you know what is in me. But still, I confess the dark clouds in my heart that are close to bursting open in a torment of lighting and thunder. Heal me Lord. I said I wouldn't beseech you. Can I be so close in your presence and not ask? You will heal me without my plea? You want me to call out to you! Lord, I hear your voice. I know that, because you loved me first, you came for me. I'm so blessed. It was you pulled me out of the abyss and gave me back myself.
You know this thing that is heavy on my heart. You see how hard it is for me. Everyday I fail to keep my life holy. Yet, you wait for me. You're always there. I want to be a light, and yet I brawl with the darkness of hate, and disappointment. Do you know that I'm so weary and I've lost faith in humanity? Even you speak often of your disappointment in humanity. Is this how you feel, oh Lord? Is this what you want me to learn?
Oh wonderful Lord, you forgave me. How dare I say that I want to live in your light when I'm engulfed in shadows? Do you know that I'll fail? Do you know that Lord? Can you help me? Should I doubt that? Heavenly Father how I love you. Is that good enough?
Just by realizing who you are and how you love me, I'm healed. I give you my love, my heart, my being and you fill me and restore me. Lord, you have answered my prayer today. Yes, I can…… forgive. It's the forgiving that heals my heart and brings me back into your light. How I long to always be in your light. Do you know that I'll always struggle?
Your voice is rustling through the tall pines as they sway to and fro. The birds are chirping out your love songs of contentment. You gave me this carpet of velvet green grass to lie down on. The butterflies are dancing to the music of the babbling brook. I see them, Lord, the tiny butterflies on the soft white flowers. How could I have believed they were gone? They were there all the time. I just didn't see them. It's like your love for me. Butterflies are everywhere. It was you who put them there for me.
I praise you Lord. You've granted me peace. How I love you! I will walk with you always.
That which tortured me has been replaced with little white flowers and fluttering tiny butterflies.
Thank You God!
3-21-2000
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